Time, the Invisible Clutter

15 01 2010

squared circles – Clocks

Originally uploaded by Leo Reynolds

I’ve had a really rough week of it this week, and it wasn’t because of physical clutter. It was all about TIME clutter. I felt like all of my overextendedness finally caught up with me, and my scheduling house of cards just collapsed.

I do a lot. Anyone who knows me can attest to that. But I’ve managed to somehow juggle a hundred balls in the air, and through optical illusion and a lot of denial, it’s more or less worked out.

This week I had the gnawing, then gnashing, then terrifying feeling that things are NOT working out at all. Anytime I began thinking about my various commitments, I started going into panic mode. I felt like I was barely hanging on. Yesterday I was really suffering.

It helped to go to bed at 9 last night and get a ten solid hours of sleep. That was so necessary. Then I got up and took a good contemplative walk in the woods. And I confessed my time-cluttering sins to a sympathetic, nonjudgmental and supportive friend. THAT helped.

Today I started taking things apart, one by one, just like one would start sorting through a cluttered junk drawer. I will sort it out, I will. But it’s been a humbling week.

Part of what catalyzed this little crisis was reading through the Time chapter in It’s Hard to Make A Difference When You Can’t Find Your Keys (SO TRUE). As I read it, I felt stabbing pains of recognition. And I realized that the invisible clutter is just as disabling as the physical kind.